10.30.2009



TEXTBOOK MOTHERING
So it's Halloween and while we've done our fair share of celebrating the season, I've certainly had better years. (Okay, so . . . Martha would probably snub me in a crowded room, but I'd tell her my story anyway). My only excuse is that I caught some kind of crud a couple of weeks ago that has by far, without a doubt, been the most bizarre illness I've ever experienced: fatigue, sore throat, cough with impressive green stuff on day one, more cough, chills at night, fatigue, a shift up north into the sinuses, dry cough, fluid in ears, fluid in sinuses, more fatigue, not much of a voice (Tierney and Parker insert thank you here), cough attacks in the middle of the night, cravings that only consist of sweet and salty things-- Diet 7-up, chocolate and popcorn to be exact . . . including 4 day old popcorn from Target-- with no signs of getting better. In the scheme of things? No biggie. Could have been swine flu. But as mentioned before, it is a big deal when your job is a stay at home mom. But we've already covered that topic and I'd hate to come across as a whiner. . .

And so the one night I should probably just stay home and watch a movie with the kids, I decide we should carve pumpkins. Casey had to work late, the kids had had a long day, I was still hacking up green stuff . . . the stars were aligned. It was the perfect night to be crafty. Since my doctor didn't prescribe me any of the "special" cough syrup, I figured I'd take matters into my own hands and grab some wine at the store. Imagine the scenario-- Fred Meyer liquor store, shopping cart full of Halloween goodies, misc. groceries, 3 pumpkins and two toddlers. Tierney and Parker are behaving fairly well considering the overwhelming anticipation as the 3 pumpkins stare at them in the face while I try to concentrate and focus on finding something-- anything-- that will satisfy my bizarre cravings. I grab a bottle of white, a bottle of red, and a bottle of champagne (random, but it sounded good at the time). Tierney and Parker, entertaining themselves, are jumping up and down while watching themselves on the security monitor. Not perfectly behaved children but not bad either. I'm just relieved that they're not tipping over bottles of wine while I'm not watching. My selections had been made and I was checking out when all of the sudden out of the corner of my eye I see our shopping cart falling on top of Tierney . . . pumpkins and all. After realizing that Tierney was going to survive the incident, I couldn't figure out whether or not I was mortified or relieved. Of course there were 3 or 4 others in line who kindly helped me pull the cart off of her, handed me my keys, purse and Hippo but I couldn't help but think to myself, "Am I
that mom right now?" I concluded that I, indeed WAS that mom, carried on and decided to brush off any/all judgements that may have been made in that line. Not my finest moment. I get it. I cared, but I really didn't. Because that would require energy that I didn't have. But it was awkward and my cheeks flushed with embarrassment. At least Tierney was okay. It could have been worse. Much worse. Like her accident resulting in a trip to the Emergency Room where I would be forced to tell the nurse the story about Mommy needing a cocktail to "cure her cough". . . I'd never live that one down. Yes, it could have been worse.

Anyhow, we made it home safely-- with a few minor bruises-- where we had a fun night of carving pumpkins (turns out it was more like "Lets watch mommy carve the pumpkins while we supervise"). But we all had fun, the wine was my candy, and my cough was cured for the night. It wasn't pretty, but we all survived the night together.

10.15.2009



TWINKLE
It's been 22 days we lost Casey's dad. Just the other day we were sitting side-by-side in his cozy, memory-filled living room talking about the remodel, the lake, pre-school, licorice, cookies, Casey, our dreams at night, my dad . . . and about losing someone you love. Over the years I've heard people talk about the tremendous respect they had for him as Mayor, how he was a tough negotiator, and how he ran a tight ship at home. But when I think about him, one word comes to mind: sweet. In my mind, Mr. Sullivan was the epitome of sweet. And love. And gentle. And warmth. And kindness.


And his eyes really did twinkle.

Especially when he was in the presence of, and talking about, the love of his life, his children and his grandchildren. My heart breaks for Casey because I know. I feel sad for Tierney and Parker because they probably won't remember Grandpa. But we will certainly show them pictures, and tell stories, and share memories and celebrate him every day which will hopefully paint a clear picture of everything and all that he was.


But for now, Grandpa is on vacation-- an extended trip where he is finally with Grandma, Gramps and Nana. Among many things (the moms having already exchanged soup recipes), I envision Grandma asking Mr. Sullivan, "What took you so long?" . . . Nana wanting to know all about the details of the children and grandchildren . . . and Gramps, with a wide grin on his face and a scotch in each hand, asking him, "Can I buy you a drink?" as he anticipates finally telling Mr. Sullivan his version of the break-in story.

10.01.2009

only a mom could love that hair . . . only a daughter could love those glasses. unconditional love at its finest.

6 YEARS AGO TODAY

It's hard to believe that it's been 6 years since I lost my mom. While I've stopped the i
nstinctual habit of picking up the phone to call her, sometimes it feels like just yesterday we were sharing a soft pretzel together on the white bench at the 5th avenue mall. If I knew our time together would be cut short, I would have never insisted on always bogarting the nacho cheese that accompanied her pretzel. Of course there are a few more things I'd take back, but all in all, I couldn't have asked for a better mom or relationship with her. I know I was lucky to have that. I just miss it-- and her-- terribly.