red mod

JUST BEING A MOM?
At a recent gathering with a group of women we discussed the issue of guilt. More specifically, we talked about how (and why) moms feel guilty when they leave their children in the sole care of their husbands (ie: when they walk out the door to meet up with some girlfriends to catch up over a half dozen bottles of wine and not enough food). There was one woman who said that she truly feels no guilt when she walks out the door (God love ya, Michelle), but most of us agreed that we all felt a little guilty "imposing" on our husbands when we pass the baton to them. My question is, does this type of guilt come hand-in-hand with being a mom, or is it a personality trait? Either way, I wish I could break free from it. At least every once and a while.

My most recent experience with this occurred just this past week. My disclaimer to what I'm about to say is that it had been one of the longest weeks with the kids. We've got croup, snotty noses, dry coughs, fevers, no appetite (mom aside . . .of course), grumps, lack of sleep, no pre-school (I've gotten good at wall climbing), pneumonia, cling-to-my-leg-all-day-like-a shin-guard behavior, strawberries to dip, Dr. appointments to make, ear infections, medicine to pick up, milk to get, and valentines for school to make. I chose to delegate the last task to my husband the other night. It was just a quick trip to the store (with toddler in tow) to purchase white card stock and valentine treats for goody bags. I delegated-- partly because I was exhausted, but mostly because I was still wearing the same thing I wore to bed the previous night (what, that's not charming?). The second that I asked him to do this for me I started to feel guilty. I then started to wonder how long it was going to take him to get Tierney out of her princess dress, shoes, pearls and hat and into something presentable. Should I help if it meant they'd get out the door faster? Because I'm pretty sure Simon and Garfunkel had already started singing "The Sound of Silence" in my ear. Move, move, move! I felt guilty because I was sending my husband off to the store on an empty stomach. I felt guilty because it was almost 7:00 at night and this task was probably the last thing he felt like doing. I felt guilty because I knew how much energy it would take to charge through this Valentines day adventure. I felt guilty because I know what it's like to take a toddler to the grocery store. I feel guilty because the entire time he was away I was doing everything but scrubbing the floors (and my armpits).

But once the troops were out the door and on their way to complete the mission, I was just fine. I was going to be okay. And so I poured myself a glass of wine and enjoyed my guilt-free moment. Because I knew it wouldn't last long.